People often seem to be interested in whether or not someone is going to find out the sex of their unborn child. Conor and I are choosing not to. This is why I am making this choice…

Because it does not matter to me and will not make a difference to me in any area of their life or mine. Because it does not feel natural for me to find out (in terms of the methods that would be used to discover this). Appreciating their whole body for the first time when they immerse from my body will be a beautiful moment and I look forward to appreciating their whole being just as they are in that moment.

How common is it to hear, “are you having a boy or a girl?” or , “are you going to find out if you are having a boy or a girl?” Or even, “are you going to find out the gender of your child?” (as opposed to the “sex”).

There’s so much I feel when I hear these questions. The first is, what about the beautiful beings who aren’t a “boy” or a “girl”, such as intersex individuals, who make up some 2% of all births (on par with the percentage of redheads, by the way). How come nobody is asking me if I’m going to find out if I’m having an intersex baby? I would be honored to. I would be honored to have any being who chose me as their caregiver, as I have chosen them as my child.

The other big thing that comes up for me is around people’s assumptions. When someone says they are having a (insert baby’s sex here), the person who is asking most likely already has an idea in mind about who this being is going to be. They have a sense of what would be “appropriate” for them or not, based on their own experiences, they may have an idea of specific items of clothing or toys they would want to give this child, or ways they will interact with them. And they most likely also assume a gender based on the sex that they have just heard the child will be. I am not interested in any of that. I’d so much rather focus on other areas of sharing about who this child is and for each person to get to know them and to celebrate and support them as the individual they are and the individual they are always choosing to become.

Interested in more of my answers to questions I am commonly asked about my pregnancy, birth, and child care? Click on the button below for answers and tons of resources I recommend checking out!