Jealousy can be one of the most powerful and painful emotions humans experience. Feeling crazy, resentful, insecure, worthless, insignificant and powerless are only a few symptoms that can mean you have been infected with the “green eyed monster.”
Therefore, it only makes sense that most of us want to get rid of it, flee the situation or even deny its existence all together.
But what if you took a step back and did something completely out of the ordinary?
What if you stayed open?
What if you even welcomed jealousy?
What if, the next time you felt jealous, instead of running away, you stayed, made eye contact and embraced it with loving arms?
You see, when you bring attention to your emotions, you’ll find there is a lot you can learn. Every emotion has the potential to further your self growth and understanding. Taking a moment to sit and watch as feelings arise takes us out of a place of reaction and into a place of observation.
As the observer, we can gain a wealth of knowledge about ourselves which will eventually lead us to more self-love, growth and, yes, even less jealousy!
The goal isn’t to stop feeling jealous, but to take a moment to question WHY.
“Why am I feeling jealous and what can I learn from it?”
Having the intention to understand yourself, to be with any uncomfortable emotion that comes up and to love yourself is key.
So how do you make this happen?
Here are 5 steps to try next time you are feeling jealous:
1. Acknowledge what you are feeling
Take a moment to become aware of your emotions. Often feelings arise and we aren’t even sure what we are feeling. Realize “I am feeling jealous right now.”
2. Connect with the feeling without judgement
This is where you become an “observer.” This is not the time to start beating yourself up for feeling jealous or blaming the other person. Instead, make time to just feel and be with it without thinking further. You’re allowed to be jealous. It’s okay. It happens. Breathe. Be brave and be with the feeling.
3. Try to understand
Why are you feeling jealous? Explore it without getting lost in the feeling. Where is this really coming from? Perhaps you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, maybe you haven’t been feeling very confident or you’re not getting your needs met in some aspect of your life. Whatever it is, looking to the source of the jealousy will allow you to gather the data to understand more of what you want: transforming it into inspiration.
4. Accept it
When we let go of trying to fix or change our feelings we become more open to healing. Remember that only from a place of love and acceptance for ourselves can we move forward. Tell yourself: “it’s okay for me to be feeling this. There is nothing to fix. I accept that I am jealous.”
5. Learn from it
Finally, you learn and grow. Technically this isn’t even a step. If you successfully go through the whole process, you will naturally learn a lot about yourself. This is a reminder to gather what you have learned from this experience of embracing jealousy and use it to have better understanding and compassion for yourself.
Often what you will discover is that jealousy is coming from a place of feeling lack within yourself in contrast to someone else’s abundance. In fact, it has nothing to do with the other person, but what is happening inside of you.
Jealousy is just a symptom.
What it often comes down to is how well you are taking care of yourself. When you aren’t getting your needs met, another’s apparent advantages can highlight feelings of emptiness. Practicing radical self-care is critical to filling yourself up and healing emotional injuries.
We all want to feel our power. We all want to feel that we are whole and have nothing to fear. No one wants to feel jealous. But when you take the time to explore your feelings without the goal of “getting rid” of them. When you are patient, loving and compassionate with yourself,
When you take care of yourself, making sure you’re getting your needs met, you will likely find jealousy naturally melts away and that what’s left is an understanding that jealousy was on your side all along.
Article By Tess Ney-Filomeno